Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us include it and made us use a precious button on our home page to get you here. At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the page. What a Netwakening! It's really important stuff. We took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into readable English. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty people, like prosecutors.

Here's the deal:

We run this site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it for personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, personal use. If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for public or commercial purposes unless we give you written permission. And it's not likely we will.

If you visit our site, you're also legally obligated to [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los Angeles, CA. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem with that, because once you start, there's no turning back -- you are bound by [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions.

So here's the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out on our site:

1.      For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without our written permission. And like we said before, it's not likely we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So it's better you don't even ask.

2.      We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes "direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.

Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom line -- we're not responsible if you're browsing around and the site damages you or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't call us.

3.      Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property or someone else's property we're using with their permission. No matter what, it's definitely not your property. You or any of your net-friends can't use it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere else on the site. And guess what -- we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.

4.     We're also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we have the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page, then you're bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.

5.       If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to “sue” (a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement. (sort of according to the Geneva Convention):

This Agreement is governed by the laws of the County of Hampshire, without regard to principles of conflict of laws.

To the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate mosteffectiveskincare.comand/or its affiliates' intellectual property rights, mosteffectiveskincare.comand/or its affiliates may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief   in any court in the County of Hampshire, and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts.

Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:

If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in the following location: Basingstoke, Hampshire. Any costs and fees other than attorney fees associated with the mediation will be shared equally by each of us.

If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to binding arbitration at the following location: Basingstoke, Hampshire, under the rules of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the award rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction to do so.

If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look disappointed!

26 September 2008

mosteffectiveskincare.com